By Bruce Nudd
I have spent almost 38 years studying marriage and observing different marriages, including my own. I have been married for over 24 years. I have heard some say that marriage is "consummated" (that is, brought to completion) with the physical act. I do not believe this is true. Consider:
1. Joseph was married to Mary but had no physical act with her (1) until after baby Jesus was born and after Mary's purification time (Matt. 1:25; Lev. 12:1-4). Yet in God's eyes they were married from before Jesus' birth (Gen. 2:24(2); Luke 1:26,27) 2. Hosea was told by God to marry a harlot (Hosea 1:2,3), who possibly cheated on Hosea several times (see Hosea 2:1-5). This was used by God to show Israel's spiritual harlotry against Him, with God being represented as the husband and Israel as the wife. If the physical act determines (or completes) marriage, then the harlot was married to many men besides Hosea, whereas God recognized only her marriage to Hosea. 3. Marriage in God's eyes, takes place when a man and a woman pledge their vows to each other. The marriage vows open up the right (and the responsibilities that go with that right) to the performance of the physical act. In marriage, the woman completes the incomplete man, filling in the detailed subpoints of the man's general outline. She also meets his physical and emotional needs. The man cares for the woman's needs (physical and emotional, and is to provide ways for her spiritual and mental needs to be fulfilled). A man cannot complete a man and a woman cannot care for the needs of a woman as a man can (see Gen. 2:18). Part of this caring for each other's physical and emotional needs is the physical act. The physical act can only help to solidify a marriage, not create one. It cannot on its own solidify a marriage. 4. The physical act outside of marriage is always an abomination to God. God calls the physical act outside of marriage adultery (Lev. 20:10; 1 Cor. 6:9,10), fornication (I Cor. 6:13,18; 7:2; Eph. 5:3) or lasciviousness (Romans 1:27; 1 Cor. 5:1; 2 Cor. 12:21; Jude 7).
To some people, marriage is a way to get a bed partner and a servant. But marriage involves giving to each other as to a friend that is closer than any other on earth, with a covenant commitment that is inviolable (not to be broken or profaned-Webster's 1828 Dictionary). Each one's physical body really belongs to one's spouse (see Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Cor. 7:2-5).
I hope this clarifies the connection between marriage and the physical act. As Matt. 19:6b says: "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder," no matter what kind of reasoning is used by man.
NOTES:
(1) Continence (Joseph's case)-the restraint of the passion for sexual enjoyment and is for married persons. Abstinence is for virgins and widows (widowers also) That is, abstinence is for the unmarried. (2) In Gen. 2:24 and in Matt. 19:5,6, the term "one flesh" could (I do not say does) refer to the physical act. "Flesh", in both Hebrew and Greek, refers to the soft tissues of the body. Note that the man: 1) leaves his father and mother; 2) cleaves (or clings) to his wife; and then, after marriage is confirmed; 3) the man and the woman become one flesh. God yoked the man and the woman together before the physical act.